Here it is, my first ever Trashy TV Recap! I’ve got my cup of chai tea ready, so let’s get started.
We’re into the semi-finals now, so these acts are serious about winning. Well, most of them. Can I just say how dapper Nick looks in his burgundy sport coat? Not at all like Hugh Hefner like Piers thinks. Piers is a meany pants.
The show starts off with the Kinetic King. Now, I love a good puzzle or maze, but I’m bored by the King. I just can’t see this act being a Vegas headliner, but all the judges love him, so what do I know? I DO, however, love his blinged out goggles.
All of his stuff works. Balls fly into the audience, sticks flip in the air, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoohoo!
Onto Fatally Unique. Well, not so much tonight. They looked an awful lot like West Springfield Dance Team. Fatally Unique went for a creepy/asylum look and it was good, but not fabulous. Oh, wait, the judges disagree with me. They LOVE FU. Huh.
Landon Swank. Oh, my sweet Landon, what will you do to yourself tonight? I have to admit, I have a bit of a crush on Landon and he just might show up in my crush of the month segment.
O.M.G. he’s going to let the judges blow him up. Really? I can’t watch. He’s in a box and the judges pick a detonator and at the same time they blow up a box. Landon is betting they don’t blow him up… and they don’t! Yay! Landon lives! Wow. How did he know they wouldn’t pick his box? That made my heart stop.
Gymkana does flips and flips and flips and flips and oh yeah, flips. Some guy is balancing on chairs (didn’t we see this last week with another group?) and then some dude flips through fire and misses. He’s on fire! Okay, nope, he’s okay. Nick blames Piers for buzzing the group and making them nervous. Really, it was the person before the dude that hit the ring of fire and made it swing. Poor guy. Hope his butt’s okay.
Summerwind Skippers. What? They’ve got four people in the ropes playing leapfrog? They definitely brought edge to their performance, but they messed up twice and Piers (rightfully) buzzed them. Of course, Howie thinks Piers was wrong to buzz them, but I agree with meany pants on this one.
Snap Boogie is one of my favorites. I’m just going come right out and say it. If I could adopt him, I would. His smile is so infectious and he has such a great heart. Too bad tonight he didn’t dance so well. The judges try to be nice, but Snap was a little flat tonight.
Anna Graceman belts out ‘Home Sweet Home’ and wins the vote for best performance of the night. She’s way too adorable and if she lived near me, I just might work out a betrothal between her and my son. I adore her.
Steven Retchless not only needs a better stage name (makes me think of retching every time I hear it), but he needs shorts that don’t show all his junk. No, seriously, if you’re going to pole dance, I don’t need to see your wiener every two seconds. It’s distracting me from your beautiful dancing!
Smage Bros brought the whole family for this performance. Even Rad Grandma Smage got in on the action. The boys jumped OVER her! Now, that’s some trust right there. They did fabulous, only missing one flip, but he’s flipping a motorcycle, so who cares!
Oh, Professor Splash, how you annoy me. I do so hope America sends you home because if I have to see you in that ridiculous swim suit thing one more time I might cry. Oh, yeah, he did a flip into an 8′ pool from really, really high. Underwhelming is the general consensus.
Landau Eugene Murphy Jr. has the longest name in showbiz and is probably taller than 99% of all the singers in the business, too. His voice is nice, but I want him to stop with the Frank tunes and branch out. The judges, again, disagree with me. They love, love, love him. Except meany pants. He thought it wasn’t Landau’s best performance.
Last, but not least, Silhouettes. Meh. I loved their last two performances and tonight was just okay. Meany pants agrees with me on this, but Howie and Sharon are gushing about how great they are.
It’s between Gymkana, Steven Retchless, and Silhouettes. Hmmm, not sure on this one. Silhouettes go through!
After making Landau think he’s going home and Anna Graceman is staying, Nick tells Landau he’s in as well. Cruel trick, Nick!
Next is Professor Splash, Fatally Unique, Summerwind Skippers, and Landon Swank. Please, not Prof. Splash, no, it’s Landon! YAY!
Judge’s Choice – it’s between Snap Boogie, Kinetic King, and Smage Bros. King goes home first. Sharon, of course, picks Snap. She loves him as much as I do and I wouldn’t be surprised if she did adopt him. Piers picks Smage Bros, and that leaves Howie, who picks Smage Bros as well. Poor Snap.
Next week will be insane! I can’t wait to see what everyone brings to the stage.
First of all, I feel I need to confess to you that I love Johnny and when they don’t show enough of him I get cranky. Well, I’m cranky. Tonight’s show was all about Margaret Braun. Who, you say? She’s a cake lady, that’s all you need to know.
Quickfire challenge – Lemons. Make something amazing for Margaret with lemons.
Orlando lets his claws out bitching about the guest judge, which I don’t understand because lemons are used in dessert all the time.
Matthew wins the challenge!
The Elimination Challenge is to make a cake for the L.A. Philharmonic, which performs at the Walt Disney Concert Hall. Architecturally, this building is awe-mazing. These chefs are lucky to have such a challenge.
This is a team challenge and the judges want the chefs to push the limits and yet make sure the cake tastes delicious. Easy, right? Um, no.
Just a side note here, does anyone else think Craig talks like a hyper chipmunk?
Back to TCJD.
Johnny comes into the kitchen to check on the chefs, oooh, he’s looking dapper, very um, not Johnny. What’s up with that? Oh, on the Bravo website it says he cut his hair so people would focus on the cooking and not his hair. Yeah, I’m still focused on you, sweet Johnny.
The teams come up with their ideas and you can tell right away that Chris’ team will rock it out, Orlando’s maybe not so much, Matthew’s team is somewhere in between and Vanarin’s team is in deep doo-doo.
They take their cakes to the concert hall and some of the chefs complain about the heat hurting their cake. Um, your cake is psychotic and looks like something I made when I was on pain meds. Seriously.
The judges all taste the cakes and agree that most of them are pretty delicious. Melissa took a huge risk by making a cake with cardamom, but everyone loved it. Whew! She was in the bottom last week, looks like she might be safe.
Two of the cakes look amazing. Two look odd. Here are the cakes, judge for yourself, but mind you – the picture quality isn’t the greatest because, well you don’t want to know. See that pic up above? That’s the concert hall.
Judging was pretty easy to pick for this one. It was between Red Team and Green Team and Red Team won! (The one on the bottom right)
Vanarin’s crazy music cake lost and he went home. I kind of wish it had been Craig since he bugs me, but I’m not too particular at this point. We’ve only had two episodes and I’m not smitten with anyone yet. Except Johnny.
Last week was crazy with Olivier fainting and witchy lady leaving the show, so I didn’t know what to expect this week. Well, it did not disappoint.
The challenge was to make an avant garde dress based on a piece of art made by a student at the Harlem School of Art. Cool beans! The designers were with the students when they painted what they wanted to be represented in fashion.
Laura starts complaining about the other designers and her sweet little art student Kai goes all Ghandi on her and tells her positive things like, suck it up, cupcake, you chose this. Okay, she didn’t say that exactly, but close enough.
Josh M. is all freaked out because his artist painted a dead tree with roots that are still alive. He gets my vote for favorite quote of the show, ‘I can’t do organic. I like fake.” What a card!
At Mood everyone is racing around trying to find chiffon. Why do they all think chiffon is avant garde?
There’s a touching moment when Bert talks about his partner of eighteen years and how he turned to drink when said partner died of aids. Everyone ooh, and ahhs, and then goes back to trashing Bert. Poor Bert. His garments, as Heidi says, are ‘old farty farty’.
Tim Gunn advises the designers to take it farther, don’t be safe (Olivier, are you listening? Becky?)
On runway day, when Olivier tries to glue his garment to the model, Tim tells him that’s against the rules. Ya think?
Most of the fashions look great, but a few look ho-hum or just plain freaky. It comes down to Olivier, Josh M, Bert, Laura, Josh C, and Anthony. Honestly, I don’t know which the judges like or not since they always seem to disagree with me. I think they need to call me before judging next time, because what they love I just don’t get sometimes.
What the judges love: Anthony’s nude dress with strips of fabric everywhere. Yeah, I think it’s interesting, but then it looks a little too homemade crafty to me. Laura’s peachy cream floaty dress looks too commercial for me, but the judges like how she made boning underneath show through. Huh. Josh M’s tree with flaming top is cute, but avant garde? I don’t think so.
What the judges didn’t love: Josh C. Poor Joshy, he already got booted once and now he’s on the chopping block again. I like his outfit, but I wish he’d kept the cape and jewels he thought of using. He scaled down out of fear and it worked against him. The judges thought it looked like a hooker/dominatrix outfit. Wow, poor Joshy. Bert’s wacky pants and applique’s confused the judges. Michael thought it looked like a Teletubby’s party outfit. Ouch. Olivier’s gown was just a snooze fest with too many weird angles cut into it. The judges liked the top, but barely.
So, who wins and who goes home? Anthony wins! Josh M is a little pissed, but really, when isn’t he? I like Anthony and I hope he goes far in the competition. The fact that he’s color blind far outweighs his one-ball coolness factor for me.
That leaves three. Poor Joshy. Heidi has to say, Auf Weidersehen again to the guy. Yep, Josh is booted for a second time. Too bad, because I really wanted to see where his relationship with Josh M might’ve led. Hmmm, guess we’ll never know.
Well, that’s it for this week. I know it’s long, but I appreciate you stopping by to read what happened. If there’s a show you want me to put in my weekly recap, let me know! I’m excited for ANTM to start and I’m thinking of Rachel Zoe, but can’t commit to her yet. What would you like to keep up with?