Knights of Mayhem? Yes please! Trashy TV Recap.

So, I’m trolling the channels looking for something to watch when this commercial comes on… it shows hunky men on horseback wearing full armor and jousting! You heard me right, there is a new reality show about modern day jousting. Problem is, I don’t get National Geographic channel, but you can bet your biscuits I’m calling today to hook me up! The series starts Tuesday, I can’t wait.

Is it hot in here, or is it just the jousting? Sorry, back to our regularly scheduled shows…

This week on Top Chef the last group of chefs had to compete for their spot on the show. Four chefs from last week were in the stew room, stewing. Boy, were they tired of stewing, too.

Finally the last group enters the kitchen and is told to pick one ingredient from the table and make a fabulous dish with it. Okay, most of the chefs are happy with their choices, except for the girl who had to ‘rock, paper, scissors’ for hers and she lost, leaving her with oxtail. Eww. If you’re a fan of oxtail, my apologies if I’ve offended you, but ewww.

There’s a catch – each ingredient has a time allotted to it. So, if you got brussels sprouts, you have 20 minutes, but oxtail girl had 60. Seems fair enough to me.

On with the cooking!

After a lot of rushing around and complaining that Chef Tom is in the kitchen, wasting their valuable cooking time, the 20 minute group is set to serve.

I think all the 20 minute peeps were thrown out. On to the next group.

Poor Tom, he had to send home someone he knows personally. She’s a good chef, he says, but the dish she put in front of them was inferior and he knew she could do better, but he had to judge on just that dish.

Harsh.

Poor Chaz didn’t even get to plate his dish of risotto, so he’s booted.

The 60 minute peeps serve their dishes. Are you noticing a theme here? Not really much recapping going on, is there? That’s because the show was mildly lackluster during this part.

BUT, then it’s time for the stew room crew. By now there are 6 chefs left who have to cook again for the last 2 spots left on the show.

I don’t have clear favorites at this point and honestly, with the cook off last week and then this week, I really don’t remember who is on the show yet or not. This splitting them up is giving me a headache.

Right. So the last group has to cook whatever they want. This is harder than you’d think, apparently. Without a boundary, the chef’s minds can go anywhere.

OMG! Edward cuts his finger and totally bleeds everywhere. It’s gross, but he keeps his hand far from the food while the medic is trying to clean and bandage him. That’s pretty badass. I have my first favorite. Let’s hope Edward survives this round and is on the show.

What do you know? Edward cooks awesome, even with only one hand, and he’s in!

It comes down to Grayson (I love that name and am totally swiping it for a character) and this other girl. My friend Gayle is rooting for the other girl, but I like Grayson.

Grayson’s in! Yay! Now I have two favorites on the show. It’s so much more fun when you have someone to cheer for, don’t you think?

Okay, the chefs are all picked and now we know who will be on the show. Oh snap! There’s a sneaky bit at the end where they tell you the last two chefs booted will actually have a chance to reenter the competition.

I can almost hear Gayle doing her happy dance!

It’s called ‘Last Chance Kitchen’ and it’s going to be aired online each week after the show. Andrew and Janine are the two competing. I guess I’ll have to catch that each week because, like you, I want to know who’s coming back!

America’s Next Top Model took the girls to Greece this week. Dang, Greece is gorgeous! I must put that on my bucket list.

Immediately upon arriving (in TV time, that is. They could’ve been there a day and we wouldn’t know, but those girls sure did look fresh for having just been on an international flight), the girls were told they would give a short speech to some dignitaries on the island of Crete. They had to use a few Greek words and say why they were excited to be there. Um, okay. I get it. They are trying to get the girls to be more well-rounded as correspondents. Still, I think it’s weird.

Most of the girls do well in the challenge. Lisa looks like a streetwalker in a teeny tiny top and even smaller skirt. Seriously, it barely covered her bum. A few of the girls thought they were speaking Greek when really it was Spanish. Bano? Really Angelea?

I’ll bet no one saw this coming ~ Allison won the challenge! She was poised, used a ton of Greek words, and spoke about the mythos of Crete and Greece. Well done!

Finally! I’ve been waiting for this challenge all season and it’s finally here… an underwear shoot. Why am I so excited? Because Shannon has been so weird all season about not wearing underwear. She believes (and I think this is pretty cool on her part) that wearing underwear is something she should do only for her husband. That’s great, but don’t wear a bathing suit that actually shows more of you and say it’s okay. She’s done that several times over the season and it’s a case of semantics. They went to great lengths to pick underwear for Shannon that didn’t reveal anything and really did look like a swimsuit, but still she refused.

So, Shannon didn’t do the photo shoot. That doesn’t automatically mean she’s booted, bummer.

Poor Laura is super sick for the photo shoot, but she’s a trouper and doesn’t complain. For the shoot the girls had to be in a salad bowl with cucumbers, tomatoes, feta cheese and dressing. A typical Greek salad. Seriously? Eww. Then again, I bet their skin was super soft afterward!

Dominique wins the photo challenge ~ dang, she really did look good in that salad!

The bottom two are Laura (not my sweet Laura! She was sick, please let her stay!) and Shannon.

I was pretty much yelling at the TV at this point. If they sent Laura home, after she sucked it up and did what she could even being so sick, then I was going to be sooooo mad.

Whew! The judges sent home Shannon. Yay!

The competition is getting intense. Only five are left and I have no idea who will win.

And our last recap is Next Iron Chef Super Chefs

The chefs were sent to San Diego! Whoohooo! Let’s hear it for my hometown!

They went to Petco Park, which is where the Padres play. Nope, I’ve never been there, but if you look in the background at some of the tall buildings, that’s the convention center where I go to Comic-Con each year. It’s kind of like going to Petco Park. Yeah, not really.

The chefs have to make a fancy ball park meal with only the ingredients found at the park. Well, food certainly has changed at ballparks since I last went. Those chefs had amazing ingredients to choose from!

The chefs made fantastic dishes, but honestly, I was so distracted from the hideous outfit Alton Brown wore that it’s all a fuzzy memory right now. Really, how did he pick that outfit and why was he allowed in our fair city wearing it? That’s him on the right, checking his watch. I wish I could grab a pic of him front facing, but this was the best Foodnetwork gave me.

Right, so now it’s back to Iron Chef stadium for the winner.

What?

Alex wins!

She’s totally stunned and stoked that she doesn’t have to face off against another chef.

Who does?

My sweet Robert Irving and Michael Chiarello. Dang. I like both of them, so this isn’t going to end well for me.

The secret ingredient is: Peanuts!

Both chefs cook their hearts out and in the end it comes down to one teeny tiny flaw in Robert’s dish that sends him home. Dang. I really like him and will miss him.

All of the chefs are my favorites for this show, so each week will be difficult to watch. Ah, well, that’s they way it goes in Trashy TV Land!

Until next week, sweet friends.

What have you been watching?