Trashy TV Recap is all about the Cooking!

We’re down to the final four on The Next Iron Chef! Chefs Falkner, Chiarello, Guarnaschelli, and Zakarian.

Man, there is major talent in those four chefs, so the outcome is anyone’s game. It might be the best chef, or the chef that had the best dish one time. The tiniest of mistakes will send someone home at this point. I’d be freaking out and peeing my pants! Thankfully, these are professionals and they don’t pee their pants on national T.V. Whew!

So, Alton Brown, devilish creature that his is, takes the chefs to the Hamptons and sends them scrambling all over town to get ingredients. They rush through markets and dash around tourists all in an effort to get whatever the other chefs aren’t getting. Um, you’re basically on an island and paying $12 a pound for butter. Yeah, you all have basically the same ingredients, move along.

But wait! There is more excitement that ensues ~ this will be a double elimination round. Wow. How horrid would it be if two of my favorites end up as the final two? Not too horrid, now that I think about it. If my two faves are in the final, then I have a 100% chance of my favorite winning the show. Bonus!

When they weren’t lazing about, they were actually cooking some mighty fine food. Unfortunately, one of the chefs would be eliminated immediately after judging and poor Chef Alex prepared the least yummy food of the day. Buh-bye Alex! She’s my friend’s favorite, so I know she’s sad to see Alex go, but me not so much. I’ve still got my two favorites in the race, so I’m still happy. And, just to make my day even brighter, Chef Zakarian won this challenge, so he’s automatically in the finals!

Back to Kitchen Stadium. The sudden death match, or whatever silly name they call it, is between Chef Falkner and Chef Chiarello. Their secret ingredient? Wine and crackers.

Um, say what?

Those wily peeps at Foodnetwork sure are pulling out all the stops on this show. Last week we had panko crumbs and now crackers? Quit with the sucking up the advertisers, already!

Not to fear, these chefs are amazing, as I think I say each recap, and they’ll come up with something so fabulous and amazing it will make your mouth water. Something like this:

I seriously don’t know what this is, but it makes my mouth water, but not in a good way.

Does this look appetizing to you? Okay, maybe that little crackery thing on the left, but the other two look, um, ew.


Lucky for me, this was Chef Chiarello’s dish and the judges didn’t find it quite as appetizing as Chef Falkners.

My two favorites are in the finals! I can’t wait for next week when these two super chefs battle it out to see who will become the Next Iron Chef!

Way down south of the Hamptons, Top Chef Texas was heating up. After last week’s fiasco, Ty-Lor was revved to win a challenge. The poor guy got stabbed, stitched up, and then thrown under a bus by his fellow teammates. He not only deserves to win a challenge,  but I hope someone bought him a beer after all that drama!

Oh, my heart be still. Tim Love of Top Chef Master’s is in the house. He’s so cute. I had to rewind the DVR several times because I forgot to pay attention to what was being said, I just kept staring at my sweet Tim Love.

The Quickfire Challenge is all about tequila. I kept expecting PeeWee Herman to come riding his bicycle into the kitchen and then do his tequila dance! It never happened, but in my fantasy, it did. And he won the QF, which was so much fun to imagine.

The chefs had to pair a dish with one of the many tequilas on offer. Apparently oysters are a good pairing with tequila, who knew? I thought lime and salt would be the favorite, but nope! Oysters and Ty-Lor for the win! Finally. Redemption. Someone buy that man a shot of tequila!

Padma has another surprise for the chefs ~ they are going to pair up and cook game for Tim Love’s friends. Game? We’re not talking Monopoly here, are we?

Um, no. Duck, bison, quail, those kinds of game. Ew. Give me straight up cow any day of the week.

On top of being on teams of two, the team that loses will send both chefs home. Oh, snap! Not only that, but the chefs have to pick the three worst dishes to send to the judges table. Double snap!

Of course Heather gets paired with Beverly (why were you standing by her, Heather, why?) Instead of drawing knives like normal, Padma says, ‘look at the person standing next to you and that’s your partner’. Poor Beverly.

Heather is awful. She’s a bully, self-righteous, and thinks Beverly is incompetent as a chef when really Beverly is just trying to be polite and not get steamrolled by Heather. Dang. Bad place to be in, if you ask me.

Most the teams do well, but three are major flops. Heather and Beverly couldn’t communicate well enough to pull off a cohesive dish (big surprise!), Chris and Grayson made a fatal error with their sweet potato fence thing (totally lame idea that Grayson should’ve shot down, but she had faith in Chris), and Dakota and Nyesha’s super rare whatever their protein was (lamb? bison? elk? I forget).

In the end the judges found poorly cooked meat a bigger offense than the other two and Nyesha and Dakota were give the boot.

That is, until… da da duuuum, Last Chance Kitchen!

Dakota and Nyesha went up against Whitney, last week’s winner in LCK. They had 30 minutes to cook prickly pear cactus in a wok.

As expected, Nyesha kicked butt, which made me happy since she got booted due to Dakota’s error. So, Nyesha is still in the game. I hope she makes it all the way to the end. She’s a plucky gal and I like her more and more each week.

Until next week, keep it trashy!


16 thoughts on “Trashy TV Recap is all about the Cooking!

    • Naw, I can’t watch that show. Too much slurping when they kiss. And they kiss all the time. Eww. You’ll have to let us know how it goes ~ maybe a mini-trashy tv post? That would be fun and you would write it so well!

  1. I like Jeffrey and Elizabeth, so it’s great to see them in the finals. Michael’s crumbled cracker filled shotglasses were an amateur in presentation. Can’t wait to see the finale!

    Glad Ty-lor won in Top Chef. Heather definitely has “issues” and Bev is a convenient punching bag. I’m waiting for the karmic smackdown! Notice how Heather keeps referring to the two days of shrimp peeling? Get over it! Did any of the judges find a fleck of shrimpy intestinal tract in their shrimp? No. But if they had, someone’s head would’ve rolled.

    • Yep, yep, yep. Agreed on all points. I didn’t get the cracker-filled cups. All I could think was, I hope they have water! Cracker crumbs = dry throat to the max.

      That’s a very good point. The shrimp was clean and prepared well. I liked what Tom said, (or it might’ve been someone else), you can’t keep thinking of the last dish ~ in baseball you don’t think of your last time at bat, you just get out there and hit a home run. Something like that. Heather needs to move on.

    • Aw, thanks August! You and Patricia are way too sweet. I think next week is going to be my last one, though. The shows are ending and there are so many new things I want to post on here. Hopefully you and Patricia will find those posts just as entertaining!

      Love you both, Mwuah!!

  2. I really hope Falkner wins. She’s good, and we need another female Iron Chef. Is that so much to ask?

    I can understand Heather’s point of view IN THAT she is a professional chef who is used to a certain way a professional kitchen is run. HOWEVER, I feel she is way out of line to expect Beverly to know the same things she knows, and she is very overbearing with everyone. I’d sure hate to work for her. I like Ty-Lor, and I’m so glad Nyesha (hopefully) gets a second chance. I haven’t found one of the chefs to truly root for, but it always seems like when a chef is interviewed before a challenge, do you notice that the one who says, “I cook x every night in my restaurant, I got this in the bag, etc,” is the one who ends up in the bottom?

    • I really like Falkner and hope she wins, too. Especially since everyone counted her out in the beginning because she’s a pastry chef. Having another female on Iron Chef would totally rock. Cat Cora needs a girlfriend to chat with during breaks. Those boys are only fun for so long before they get tiresome, I bet.

      You’re so right about the chefs bragging and then being in the bottom. I’m sure they’ve watched the show, haven’t they learned that’s the kiss of death?

  3. I just want to thank you for the many hours of tv-watching you save me every week! I keep saying I’m certain your recaps are way better (and definitely more hilarious) than the actual shows. I’m telling you, WanaSista, these recaps should be syndicated!


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