Christmas Cracker Crack Up

One of our holiday traditions is to have Christmas crackers with our Christmas day dinner and then on New Year’s Eve. We pop open our crackers together and then wear the paper crowns throughout dinner. It’s a tradition I adore and will probably make my superfabulous husband endure it until we are old and grey and I’ve forgotten what the crackers are.

For those of you unaware of crackers, they are little cardboard tubes, wrapped in festive paper. When you open them, they pop like a firecracker and inside there is a toy, a joke, and the aforementioned paper crown. This year, the jokes were so bad they were too good not to share.

So, instead of our usual video giggle, today’s Wednesday Whimsy is brought to you by Christmas Crackers 2011!

Q. What did the alien say to the garden?

A. Take me to your weeder.

Q. How does Good King Wenceclas like his pizzas?

A. Deep pan, crisp and even.

Q. How many tentacles does a squid have?

A. 10

Q. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?

A. Claustrophobic.

Hahaha! Had enough, or do you want a few more? Okay, since you asked so nicely… here a few too good to miss.

Q. Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?

A. Because he was outstanding in his field.

Q. Why did the bacon laugh?

A. Because the egg cracked a yolk.

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A. A fsh.

And for the final laugh…

Q. Why did the rocket loose his job?

A. Because he was fired.

Weren’t those fun?! Have any good jokes you want to share? You know we love hearing from you! Enjoy your Wednesday giggle!


22 thoughts on “Christmas Cracker Crack Up

  1. Ha! LOVE your jokes, Tameri. So glad you explained crackers, as I was picturing tree-shaped green and red tinted wheat thins. Hmm… Might you consider posting video of the explosions? (Is ‘explosion’ too strong a word??) I may have to get my hands on the puppies. I’m short on New Years Eve traditions. Wishing your whole gang a happy one!

    • Wheat thins? These aren’t as tasty. I’ll try to get a video on New Year’s since I missed Christmas. Explosion might be too strong of a word… a snap!, perhaps.

      Hope you have a fabulous New Years as well!

  2. Christmas crackers are part of our Christmas dinner tradition too – paper crowns, jokes, prizes and all! This year our almost four-year-old grandson was so excited about them he had to pop everyone’s with them … a slow process but VERY sweet! Have you ever bought the Party Poppers for New Year’s? They’re so much fun you don’t even mind the mess from the streamers and most party supply shops sell them now. We’ve gotten out of control with them a few times. Here’s a wee video, with a wee chuckle from a wee British granny about poppers.

    • That granny is so cute. She looks all surprised by it! That would’ve been so cute to see your little grandson helping everyone. I bet he got a huge kick out of it. I love the party poppers you get from the party stores. I’ll buy them just because and put them all around the house for the kids to find. That’s great fun, except when you forget about them and are trying to write when suddenly your son pops one off right behind you. Oops!

  3. I used to do crackers with my kids. Once they hit their teens all I got were rolling eyes from them. But now I have grandchildren to do them with! Happy for you that your big ‘kids’ are still tolerating Mom’s craziness! Have a fun New Year!

    • Rolling their eyes? The horror! Christmas crackers must continue on… teens and young adults are so much fun when they think we’re nuts. At least now you have grandchildren you can induct into the Christmas cracker way of life.

      Have a super fabulous New Year!

  4. I was somewhat like August and thought, “Saltines, wheat thins, or just white people?” (sorry, I couldn’t resist) How can any of these be especially funny at Christmas? But now I get it. Loved the Claustrophobia one.

    • White people are called crackers? I didn’t know that, but I must use it. Or wait, do you just mean crazy? Eh, we’re that, too.

      I’m not sure they are funny any time of year, but gave me a giggle. Glad you found one you liked.

  5. Be careful when using cracker for whites. It can be taken as derogatory, and is often used that way with black comedians (Chris Rock). There is a white rapper called Uncle Cracker, so it isn’t always a negative. I just didn’t want someone getting offended if you inadvertently used it in the wrong context.

  6. Hey, we have exactly the same kind of crackers in Australia with EXACTLY the same kind of puns. I’ve sometimes wondered who the hell is paid to come up with the puns. Especially since puns are actully hard for non English speakers to get, and all our crackers come from China.

  7. Ha ha! We do Crackers here in Australia too. Wouldn’t be Christmas without them! The kids love the little toys you get in them and the grown-ups take a moment to feel foolish as they wear party hats and laugh at corny jokes for a few minutes of their otherwise serious year. 🙂

  8. Pingback: Christmas Joke – Master Huldschinsky's Adventures

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