Through the ashes blooms a rose…

 

Have you ever held onto a Truth so absolutely that it becomes the very fabric by which you live your life?

Maybe you were young when it happened and you met this guy who you thought the sun revolved around. You really liked this guy, so much so that you would write letters to him and he to you. Sweet, rambling epithets of friendship and devotion.

But maybe he lived in another city from you so you decide to move there where you can be together. You imagine a life for you and this guy. A house, kids, a cat. No, a dog.

He might even be in a rock band and you think it might be cool to go on tour with them, but maybe not since someone needs to stay home to take care of the dog. And kids.

So you move all the way to Hollywood where you work for a newspaper doing important things but making little money. This guy, the one you moved for, he starts to pull away and you wonder why.

Then one night you agree to meet him in a bar and he sits across from you wearing that shirt you love on him, with sunglasses in the pocket. They’re your sunglasses. The ones he took from you that day while hiking and you thought looked cute on him so you let him have them. The same sunglasses that are forever memorialized in a press photo the band did before their album came out. You really wish you had your sunglasses, but this isn’t about the sunglasses, it’s about the guy sitting across from you.

He’s telling you he never cared about you. At all. You should get over him, he’s no good for you, he never loved you. Move on.

You think of all the letters, the sweet words, the move to be near him. Then you leave the bar and think the rat bastard broke your frikkin heart.

Then something strange happens. You go on with your life, even moving to England where you get married, pregnant, and divorced all without ever seeing Big Ben or most of London for that matter. You mostly saw the rim of a toilet because you had horrid morning sickness.

But it was worth it because you got a beautiful baby girl. Then, because you utterly failed in that relationship, you live your life with your baby girl, working hard, trying to get by.

One day you meet a nice guy.

He’s probably the kind of guy you should’ve dated to begin with and saved yourself the hassle of heartache, but you didn’t meet him until that point in your life so you take a chance that he’ll like you.

He does. A lot.

So maybe you marry this really great guy and a few years later you have a son with him.

Then one day it happens. You’re at a party and you’re telling someone about the guy who broke your heart. The rat bastard band dude who said he never loved you. You’re telling the story as if he ruined your life when all of a sudden you realize, he didn’t ruin it, he helped make it.

In an instant your world is spun around and shifted. What was foggy clears. That piece of bitter remorse you’ve held in your heart for too long evaporates.

And maybe you think to yourself, he gave me a gift, that guy who took my sunglasses. By breaking my heart I found the courage to travel to another country where I got my daughter. From her I learned to love unconditionally which in turn let me see my husband for what he is. A truly great guy who loves me in spite of, or perhaps because of, all my flaws.

Then one day you’re writing a blog for other’s entertainment but really what you’re doing is writing the oddest love letter. It’s not really about that guy, it’s about your husband. Because in a few days you’ll be celebrating your 16th wedding anniversary. Sometimes you can hardly believe it’s been 16 years and others, you’re just so damn happy your husband has put up with you for that long because you know you’re a tad high maintenance and perhaps a little kookoo. Just a little, mind you.

But in the end you’re over the moon crazy for your husband and love him a little more each day. If you’d met him any sooner than when you did, you wouldn’t have appreciated how awesome he was.

Perhaps someone should send a thank you note to the guy who stole those sunglasses all those years ago. Hey, they were Ray Bans and my favorite. I can’t let it go.

Sometimes people ask if I’d like to go back and change anything in my life. I would be afraid to do that. If I changed one thing, then maybe I wouldn’t be where I am right now. From where I’m sitting, this is a damn fine place to be.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

Ohmygosh! We were so young and freakishly cute.

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77 thoughts on “Through the ashes blooms a rose…

  1. Happy anniversary! I adored this blog post–you are so right and I’m delighted you shared this “happy ever after” ending. My 32nd anniversary is Thursday. *s*

  2. How sweet! I love the photograph of the two of you. =)

    It’s so easy for us to get caught up in the moment, especially a bad moment, and think we’re on a downward spiral or somebody/something ruined us. But then that moment comes, just like you described, where suddenly you appreciate even the heartache, because in a crazy way of fate it has landed you right where you are the most loved and most happy. Happy Anniversary!

  3. God, I look like I’m 16 or something. This is the sweetest thing anybody’s ever written about me, thank you my love for 16+ years and here’s hoping for many sixteens more.

    -Dave

    • You totally look like you’re 16! Just so everyone knows ~ he was 25. I can’t have them thinking I robbed the cradle or anything.

      I look forward to when we’re old and grey and still hold hands and cuddle. Love you!!

  4. Beautiful post, Tameri. You both look lovely and so happy in your wedding photo.
    And what is it about guys in rock bands?? πŸ™‚
    Happy Anniversary x

    • Thanks Emma. We’re actually way happier now than we were back then. Something about age and being at one with ourselves. We were so young, then.

      Ugh, guys in rock bands. Yeah, what IS it with them?! Stay clear, very clear of them. They’re all nuts. πŸ˜‰

  5. What a wonderful story. I am glad you found you happy place and have the chance to truly enjoy it. May you both be blessed with a hundred more anniversaries.

  6. Happy 16th Anniversary, Tameri and Dave! What an awesome story, Tameri. You are so right about not wanting to change anything that’s happened in your life. One little detour along the way and who knows where you would be now. So glad that you met the love of your life and are living the fairytale. And yes…it does look like you married a sixteen year old….you 18 year old cougar. πŸ™‚

  7. Would you please pass the Kleenex? That was lovely and so true. Always remember: Every step of every day leads us to where we are going.

    Happy anniversary!

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  8. AWWWW…best blog post/love letter EVER!
    Happy Anniversary you two – adorable, gorgeous, wonderful, loving people!!! It’s nice to hear about dreams come true and real life love stories that have a happily ever after.
    I couldn’t agree more with you Tameri. I don’t regret one bit of my life; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I don’t regret the heart breaks or the betrayals or even my divorce. Quite the contrary, I am ever so very grateful because everything in my life brought me to this point. And from where I sit, life freaking rocks hard!!! It was worth it. I wouldn’t be half the woman I am without all the stuff that I went through…
    So amen to seeing life for what it is…as my mother likes to put it: AFLO (Another F*cking Learning Opportunity). Amen to that Anne Marie….
    Here’s to the next 16 years blowing your mind and your heart even more wide open and to happiness that leaves you smiling ear-to-ear every single day!!!
    Love yas…Muah!! xoxoox

    • Thanks honey! AFLO is now my favorite saying. I’m going to use it all the time with everyone, not just my kids! Life does freaking rock and it took us some bumps and frogs to get here, but we’ve both got our fairytales and princes. Love, love, love you so much!

  9. What a wonderful post – you have a truly magical gift and we are blessed to be treated to your insight. I also consider myself exponentially fortunate to have been able to reconnect with you and even visit not once but twice! – funny how we shared such brief moments of our lives but we were able to pick right back up after those sixteen years. I wish you two many, many happy years!

    • Aww, thanks Peggy! I consider myself lucky to have met you, too. And you’re so right about us picking up right where we left off… thank you for the well-wishes. I hope we get to see each other soon!

  10. So sweet!!!! This post made me want to cry a little! I love your husbands comment on it too. Happy anniversary and ps, you look great as a blonde πŸ™‚

    • Nicole!! Thanks so much, lovely lady. I AM a blonde! Well, okay, a bit darker now than then… hmm, maybe I should touch up a bit here and there. It’ll help to hide the grey. πŸ˜‰

  11. I look at a certain rose bush in my back yard and remember that little girl and her Mama…and when they found a new daddy and husband! Sixteen years..wow, time has certainly flown by. Happy Anniversary.
    Love you all,
    Mom

    • Aww, thanks Mom! Yep, she got a new daddy on Father’s Day. We always think that’s kind of cool. I was thinking of that rose when I wrote this, I was hoping you’d get the connection. Thanks for commenting. Love you!

    • Totally, Louise! He’s the Yin to my Yang. I’m the wild, crazy one and he’s the calming center of it all. That, and he doesn’t take my crap. πŸ˜‰

      Thanks so much for your kind words and for just being so fabulous.

  12. *sniffle … wiping eyes, blowing nose* This is so beautiful, Tameri. I believe there’s a book here, a very beautiful love story – authentic and full of emotion. What a woman you are. What a writer you are. Happy anniversary to you and your husband. There’s no doubt there will be many, many more.

    • Thanks so much, Patricia. There will be many, many more because we’ve learned how to communicate and love without conditions. It’s a very beautiful thing. As beautiful as you are, my friend. Thank you for your lovely words. You always have a way of making me feel all sparkly inside.

  13. Tameria. That was so freakin beautiful. You got me. Happy anniversary! And, Dave is a cutie. Now, as soon as I stop crying, I need to go out and find someone worthy of a letter like that.

    • Aww, thanks sweet lady! You will, but just remember they aren’t going to be where you’re looking. I was set up with him, kind of, and he ignored me the whole night. Kind of. AND he totally wasn’t ‘my type’ of guy. So, give every guy a chance and don’t limit yourself to ‘your type’. Okay, I’m done being a mommy now. Thanks again!

  14. Happy Anniversary! And what a lovely story. My husband and I have said the same thing. Despite the things we’ve gone through, we wouldn’t change any of it because we ended up together.

  15. I loved reading this. I’ve thought the same thing many times. I’ve remembered truly heartbreaking and/or crazy-making moments in my life and thought, “I wish I could have done ___.”

    But, if I had, my life would not where it is now. More and more often, I think being truly happy is about learning to appreciate what you have and being able to see how you really did luck out.

    Happy Anniversary. Wonderful post.

  16. Love the way life comes together. I LOVE happy endings. And that’s all that matters. Sometimes we have to go through a lot of mud before we get to the shower. I think it was a fair trade: sunglasses for the love of your life.

    Happy anniversary to you both, my friend.

  17. Ahh! Perfect! I love the whole story! We are all where we were meant to be…every road we took led us to where we are. Can’t erase any of it. So happy for you! I know you’ll have many more wonderful years together! You two really are cute!

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  20. Such a wonderful love letter. Life, warts and all, is grand! My second marriage is all that much sweeter because of the lessons I learned because of my first marriage and my divorce. Thanks for reminding me to stop and reflect on those lessons so I can cherish what I now have even more. Happy Anniversary!

    • Thank you, Lynette! I’m so glad you found your match the second time around. Those first relationships can teach us so much about ourselves, can’t they? I love that we are always learning, especially from our mistakes. I hope you and your husband have many, many, many years of happiness together.

    • Aww, thanks! I actually think he way handsomer now than when we married. He’s got some grey that makes him look so sexy ~ of course, he hates it, but I love it!

      Happy Anniversary to you and your husband as well! June brides rock.

  21. I agree with Bridgette! Y’all are SO freakishly cute. I adore this post! πŸ™‚

    My 5 year anniversary is coming up and you’re making me think I should write a post…

    • Thanks Jenny. You are freakishly cute, too. Five years? That’s awesome! I would love to read your post about you and your husband. It would be a super sweet love story and a riot, I bet. Your family is adorable.

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